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Throughout my career as a novelist, real-life events of which I was a part (such as time spent on a basketball court or as a teacher on Rikers Island) found their way into my fiction. Similarly, real-life events were also the basis for many of the examples I was responsible for writing to illustrate how jiu-jitsu's 32 micro principles could help people in their daily lives. Below are three such examples.
My wife, April, is an expert at negotiation. I remember sitting with her one day in a car dealership, nearing closing time. All the terms of a new lease were apparently set, and everyone, after several hours of back-and-forth over the numbers, was ready to go home, including the salesperson, manager and me. That's when April made the conscious decision to argue for more miles per year, considering that we travel the country extensively when I speak at schools, and our daughter attends college in the Midwest. Below is how that incident took shape in our book. And she succeeded!
(Creation Principle) The Car Dealership
Suppose you're sitting in a car dealership. You have your eye on leasing the previous year's model, and the salesperson is willing to make a deal with you because the brand-new models are already on the showroom floor. The financing options are fine and the dealership even has a car in stock in your favorite color, vermillion red. The only negotiating point left is the mileage over the course of the lease. You have a child attending college several states away and you plan on making a number of road trips to visit. The mileage they're offering is standard. But you want something better and you're willing to invest your time haggling at the dealership to get it—you've made this your end goal. They're not going anywhere until closing time, so you've adopted the same stance to put yourself on equal ground with the salesperson.
The paperwork is all drawn up, awaiting your signature. The only blank that remains in the lease agreement is the space for mileage. The manager has already come out and talked to the salesperson for you to hear. "We don't go over that standard mileage on leases for any reason," stated the manager, almost two hours ago. But you're still sitting there, tying up the salesperson from dealing with other potential customers.
You can read the frustration on the manager's face in having to make a reappearance at the salesperson's desk. That's when you decide to make your move and put the Creation Principle to work. You take out your phone and call a second dealership, one representing a different car company. "Hello, what time do you close the showroom tonight?" you ask, in a voice just loud enough for your pair of opponents to hear. "There's no need to go anywhere else," says the manager, waving for you to put the phone away. "We want you to be a customer of ours. Today and for the future. You can have the mileage you're asking for." Waiting for the most opportune time, you made a probing move and received the reaction you wanted. It was the Creation Principle in full bloom.
I was at the movies one time with several friends, one of whom is a rather well-trained martial artist. Halfway through the film, that particular friend picked up and took another seat in the back of the theater. At that time, I didn't know exactly what precipitated the move. But the story to which I was eventually made privy became the basis for a terrific example in our book.
(Prevention Principle) Theater Etiquette
Suppose you're sitting in a movie theater with your popcorn and soft drink. It's the most exciting part of the film, a car chase through crowded city streets. Your mind is in motion with those fleet vehicles. You're leaning left and then right in your chair with every turn of the steering wheel. Suddenly, you feel a hard kick at the back of your seat. The person behind you is totally revved up and involved in the movie too. So you think nothing of it. A moment later, your seat gets kicked again. It's both annoying and hurts. This time you turn completely around, get the attention of the person behind you and ask them to stop. There isn't much of a reaction on their part, just an expressionless face. A few seconds after the car chase ends, you feel a third kick and hear a hint of laughter.
There are many things that could happen next, including you completely losing your temper. But let's not go there. Let's remain calm and think. Exactly how would you put the Prevention Principle to use here? I suppose you could give this person a speech on movie etiquette or briefly leave and return with the theater management in tow. But neither of those options feels completely correct. Just like on the jiu-jitsu mat, you would need to ask yourself, "What does this person want to achieve and what can I do to stop their progress?"
This person apparently wants to control you. He or she is making the silent statement that their actions can create a reaction in you that they will somehow find pleasing. But remember, their control of you requires opposition on your part. Perhaps the perfect Prevention Principle reaction would be to get up without a word and move several rows behind this person to a new seat. That would instantly take away whatever position they believed was theirs. Why move to a seat behind and not further in front of them? Now you can utilize the Reconnaissance Principle as well. You can watch this person's movements without having to turn around. You could see what they might be preparing to do and not do. And if they approach you to carry on this annoyance, you'll have time to prepare.
I once observed two people lose their cool at the supermarket and ram each other's carts repeatedly with reckless abandon. Watching the kinetic energy transfer from one cart to another in an effort to cause damage, I immediately realized how those shopping cart strikes could have been diffused. That moment of realization at the checkout line became a superb example for me to highlight one the book's principles:
(Connection Principle) From the Mat to the Supermarket
Imagine you're in a local supermarket. You've just advanced the cart you're pushing toward the checkout-line. Somebody behind you believes that you've cut the line. They're also screaming that you have twelve items in your cart instead of ten (the allowable limit), and don't belong at the express register. They become overly angry at you and are on the verge of losing control. The person takes a step forward toward you. You quickly spin your grocery cart around, using it as a buffer, a safe space, between you and this irate customer. You begin to use your words as a secondary buffer, assuring the person that you respect them, and had no intention of cutting in front of them. Despite your efforts to quell the conflict, this person shoves their cart into yours. Yes, it's way over the edge on their part. But thinking as a jiu-jitsu practitioner, you realize that you now have a physical connection to something. You can feel the tension of their cart pushing up against yours. As the angered customer rears their cart back to ram yours again, you feel the release of tension. Your connectedness has allowed you to predict the next move in real time. So you advance your cart forward in the direction of theirs, reestablishing the connection and not allowing their cart the kinetic energy to rush forward with any real momentum. All the while, you're continuing to use your language and communication skills in an effort to connect to their better judgement, in hopes of defusing the situation. It's an example of how the Connection Principle can provide you with information during a tense encounter without ever having to put your hands on someone.
There are three reasons why I was able to create these examples, even though I have never formally studied Brazilian jiu-jitsu. The first is that Rener and his brother Ryron were incredibly clear and concise in their distillation of the 32 principles in their original video series. The second is the decade I studied under the inspiring tutelage of William Moy, who made sure all of his students understood the underlying principles of martial arts and how they related to life. The third reason is the inherent power of journalism, allowing writers to hone a chameleon-like ability to blend into their ever-changing surroundings. --Paul
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